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Charity Verses
Self-Reliance: Names in this article have been changed to protect the persons' privacy. ----------------------------
"When your demand
that people around you should be as Self-Reliant as you
think they should be ------------------------------- I once lived in a Latter-day Saint ward where the principle of Self-Reliance was so important that it took priority over all else. No one could be assisted by the bishop, a quorum member, or the Relief Society, or even by a self-acting ward member until their Self-Reliance had first been assessed and the principles of Self-Reliance properly met. Here is an example of what once happened in that ward: Sister Jones, a sixty-some year old widow, woke one morning to discover a flat tire on her car. Brother Smith, her home teacher and across-the-street neighbor, did what was considered the 'correct thing' due to the principle of Self-Reliance teaching us that one should rely on family members before church members – he called Sister Jones' brother, who lived 45 minutes away, and advised him that his sister had a flat tire and needed it changed immediately so she should get to work. Two hours later Sister Jones' feeble, 80-year-old brother finally arrived, hobbled up to her car with his walker, and took an hour to change the tire. Brother Smith (the home teacher/neighbor) was satisfied that he had witnessed the Gospel being carried out properly, and he then went back inside his house to continue enjoying is day off from work. The bishop in Sister Jones' ward literally had a checklist for things members needed to verify before charity or service was rendered to anyone. It included things such as 'What has the person tried to do for themselves?'; 'How many family members have been out to help?'; 'How much help have they been given in the past?'; and 'Is this a service they should be paying a professional to render?' While each of these 'Self-reliance' questions are valid and certainly have their proper place and time, they cannot and should not be applied to every opportunity to render service that occurs in a normal life. You will notice that the statue of 'Charity' in the Nauvoo Women's Monument depicts a woman with only an outstretched hand – and that hand contains no checklist. The effect this 'checklist' policy had on Sister Jones' ward was devastating to the spiritual education of the youth. Instead of learning to unconsciously give of themselves to others, they learned to question each and every opportunity that came along and then rationalize why they shouldn't have to help others. It even affected how, later in life, they were able to treat their spouses – having to stop and take the time to decide whether or not their spouse had tried to do something on their own and were then worthy of assistance. In short, they grew up selfish and self-centered. While living in that ward I rewrote a beloved parable to begin a Sacrament Meeting talk I was asked to give on the topic of Charity:
A certain man went
down from Jerusalem to Jericho, and fell among thieves, which stripped him
of his raiment, and wounded him, and departed, leaving him half-dead. Self-Reliance is a principle that defines what a person, couple, or family should be doing to help themselves. Charity, however, is a commandment from our Heavenly Father, making it clear that we must be doing kind and charitable acts to help other people. Notice that one does not cancel out or negate the other; they complement each other by assuring the individual that there is a host of others to assist them on their way to Self-Reliance. Charity actually assures that there is a network of fellow church members and neighbors to turn to as recourses when assistance is needed. In other words,
Self-Reliance is
what we do to better ourselves; Charity is a Mission, Not a Program While charity is the prime mission of the Relief Society, any Relief Society president will gladly explain that this does not mean that all acts of charity have to be brought to her for her approval! Any quorum leader will join her in teaching their flock that the greatest acts of charity often do not come to their attention until they have been completed. In the story told above of Sister Jones’ flat tire, a neighbor – home teacher or otherwise – should have felt themselves free of any program’s restraints and simply crossed the road and assisted. I remember fondly a letter to a nationally-syndicated advise columnist in which a reader complained bitterly about a neighbor who started a re-roofing project early one Saturday morning, destroying the peace and quiet of the new day. Another reader wrote back, explaining that the same thing had happened to them several years previous, and instead of complaining her husband and sons got out of bed and went over to help, reproving their neighbor for not asking for their help and attempting to do it all on their own. Some acts of Charity are beyond the scope of an individual or even a ward – hence the Lord has inspired his earthly leaders to establish welfare and other social programs to aide us in specific acts of Charity. But contributing towards these programs does not in itself fulfill the command of loving our neighbor. While the church Welfare/Social Services Program assists many millions around the world, we still have family members and neighbors to look after. There are widows' lawns that need mowing, families on the move who need help packing or unpacking, and brothers and sisters suffering through grief, trauma, or depression who need a kind word and an arm around the shoulder. And, there are wayward souls who need the Savior's love manifested through those who claim to follow Him. There is no church program to meet such needs and situations – it all comes down to individual acts of Love and Charity. Self-Reliance Stands upon a Foundation of Charity Some time ago our young bishop stood at the podium at the end of Sacrament Meeting to thank the ward just after his four-year-old son had broken his leg. A family of four children of Primary age and younger and with a very pregnant wife, they somehow thought they were going to be able to handle caring for the boy on their own. “We honestly thought we could handle it,” the bishop confessed; “We are so thankful the rest of you knew better!” He went on to recount the number of people who came with loads of books and games for the boy - and supplies of cookies and other goodies that were delivered to keep the boy’s mind occupied. Someone even brought a stroller large enough for a four-year-old that they could use until he was on his feet so a pregnant mother didn't have to try to carry him everywhere. In short, the bishops' family became self-reliant in taking care of the boy only after fellow ward members stepped in, bringing with them supplies, support, and instructions. As far as anyone in our ward knows there were no calls from the Relief Society asking for things to be brought to the bishop’s house; the members just felt within themselves the need to do something to assist. That is the Charity that never fails Dale, a man who suffers chronic depression, attends a quorum in which everyone is sure the quorum leader has adequately expressed their love for Dale and their concern for his well-being, so they say nothing. The quorum leader is sure the home teacher is doing everything he can to assist and encourage Dale, and is confident he need not even bother the home teacher as he reports 100% on his monthly visits. The home teacher is sure that since Dale is in the military he is naturally attending available support groups for his depression – but hasn’t asked. And Dale… well, Dale hasn't seen a home teacher since moving into the ward and is wondering if the quorum leader is ever going to assign him one. If members of Dale’s quorum were not depending on “the program” to work, they would not be so silent – they might, instead, greet him with a firm handshake and when they ask him how he is doing they would listen. They would let the Spirit whisper and tell them what they could do to relieve the stress that fuels his depression. They cannot be a therapist, but they would be a friend – friendship does not require a church program. Floyd has developed environmental allergies and cannot stay more than an hour in the ward house – the scents of the carpet glue, wood polish, perfumes, aftershaves, and shampoos that fill a three-ward chapel over the course of a single Sabbath day literally make him sick. For three years he has not attended his priesthood meeting, and no one, not even a home teacher, has stopped by to ask after him. He lives in a ward where all charity is a 'project', and most everyone is waiting for a 'program' to go and ask after Floyd. Think of what quorum members could do for Floyd to make him feel as if he's still a part of the quorum! Yes, there should be an active home teacher, but what could the rest of the quorum be doing? Sister Littleton has three Primary-age children and a baby in arms. Her husband, a military officer, often has to work Sundays and is not at church to help with the children. As most parents know, Sacrament Meeting often become a wrestling match. Should the Relief Society presidency call a meeting (after waiting for signs of Self-Reliance) and arrange for someone to help her, or should those sitting by her in the chapel simply offer to help? I saw one brother move to help Sister Littleton as the congregation sang -
“There
are chances for work all around just now, Charity Is a Commandment “...wherefore, the Lord God hath given a commandment that all men should have charity, which charity is love. And except they should have charity they were nothing.” (2 Nephi 26:30)
While Self-Reliance is a principle by which to live your own life, Charity towards your neighbor is still a written-in-stone “thou shalt” commandment from God – written in stone eleven times in ancient and modern scriptures: “...thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.” (Leviticus 19:18, Matthew 5:43; Matthew 19:19, Matthew 22:39, Mark 12:31, Luke 10:27, Romans 13:9, Galatians 5:14, James 2:8, Mosiah 23:15, D&C 59:6)
“...
Who is my neighbour? The Apostle Paul on Charity
“Watch ye, stand fast in the faith, quit you (show one's self) like men, be strong. Let all your things be done with charity.” (1 Corinthians 16:13-14; explanation from Strong's Concordance) “Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering; Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye. And above all these things put on charity, which is the bond of perfectness.” (Colossians 3:12-14) “And above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins. Use hospitality one to another without grudging. As every man hath received the gift, even so minister the same one to another, as good stewards of the manifold grace of God.” (1 Peter 4:8-10) Moroni's Words on Charity The Book of Mormon prophet Moroni also gave specific instructions on Charity, some of it mirroring Pauls' teachings, neither of which dwelt for a second on the topic of Self-Reliance: And except ye have charity ye can in nowise be saved in the kingdom of God; neither can ye be saved in the kingdom of God if ye have not faith; neither can ye if ye have no hope. (Moroni 10:21) “And again, behold I say unto you that he cannot have faith and hope, save he shall be meek, and lowly of heart. If so, his faith and hope is vain, for none is acceptable before God, save the meek and lowly in heart; and if a man be meek and lowly in heart, and confesses by the power of the Holy Ghost that Jesus is the Christ, he must needs have charity; for if he have not charity he is nothing; wherefore he must needs have charity. And charity suffereth long, and is kind, and envieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in the truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. Wherefore, my beloved brethren, if ye have not charity, ye are nothing, for charity never faileth. Wherefore, cleave unto charity, which is the greatest of all, for all things must fail - But charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever; and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with him. Wherefore, my beloved brethren, pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ; that ye may become the sons of God; that when he shall appear we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is; that we may have this hope; that we may be purified even as he is pure. Amen. (Moroni 7:43-48) Only You can Do for Someone what They will Never Be Able to Do For Themself No matter how hard a person tries, they will never be able to demonstrate your love for them; only you can do that. You cannot delegate your loving your neighbor to anyone, much less to your neighbor. You cannot tell someone “feel my love” and then do nothing. Worse yet, imagine telling someone “I shouldn’t have to do something to show I love you; you should just know,” or even “If you can’t feel my love that’s your problem; don’t expect me to do anything about it.” James in the New Testament addressed people who think the above statements fulfill the law of Charity: “Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world.” (James 1:27) “What doth it profit, my brethren, though a man say he hath faith, and have not works? can faith save him? If a brother or sister be naked, and destitute of daily food, And one of you say unto them, Depart in peace, be ye warmed and filled; notwithstanding ye give them not those things which are needful to the body; what doth it profit? Even so faith, if it hath not works, is dead, being alone.” (James 2:14-17) Will a Man Rob God? When we put our checklist of what a person should do for themselves before we help them ahead of God's commandment of Charity, then we become robbers:
Let's read what
Christ will say to those who choose to assist God as well as what He will
say to those who rob God of these opportunities of love and service
(Matthew 25:31-46):
Which Version of this Hymn Reflects in Your Life?
In the same
Sacrament meeting address for which I rewrote the parable of the Good
Samaritan with which I started off this article, I also presented a
shocking rewrite of a beloved Christian hymn – I was nearly tarred and
feathered and ran out of town for desecrating this hymn; I was spared
only because I asked the ward if their actions desecrated the hymn more
than my rewrite. The first stone was never thrown and I survived to write
this article. I present to you both the original and the rewrite and ask
the question: Which person do you want to be?
Conclusion The reason God gives us strength is so we can turn around and help others. If we do not do this then we waste and belittle the gift of strength He has given us while proving ourself unworthy of further strength from Above. While church leaders have the requirement to account for the wise use of the Lord's funds and assets in a proper way and to ensure that said assets are not abused or taken advantage of, this has no bearing on how we love and serve our neighbors. It has no bearing on our visiting the sick, extending a hand of friendship and love to the weary, or stopping week after week to invite someone to their Sabbath meetings. The sick, weary, and less-active need to know we care. They need to feel God's love through us and feel – again through us – that God loves them and cares for them. We are God's messengers, and if the messengers fail then those who need God's love and comfort do not feel it. True faith is not expressed by walking on water, as many self-centered people think – it is expressed by how we help others safely across the stormy seas of life, as expressed in the following poem:
I have not faith to
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