During your journey though despair in
whatever form, you will plead with the Father to remove the cup
you have been given. Do not doubt that Heavenly Father sends angels to
strengthen you, because throughout my long journey I know I have
not walked alone. Heavenly Father does not leave us alone. Even
if we have not asked for or recognized them, angels are present and
waiting for us to turn to God and seek His help.
We Are Never in Control
It is a wonder that we men do not need
to be 'in control' when positive, happy things are happening to us – we
lose all need to be in control and are simply able to go along for the
ride. But let one negative, bad thing happen and suddenly our need to
control the situation is out in full force! I think one of the reasons
that being in control is so ingrained into the man is so he can better
care for and protect his family. But anything can be taken too far!
We must realize that there are
situations we can never control, no matter how hard we kill
ourselves trying. All we can do is control our reactions to them. This
is what a mental health professional can teach us to do. It is not
a shame to learn how to control our reactions; it makes us better men to
do so.
What we can't control we feel we need to
fix. But what about the times it's ourself we need to fix and not the
situation?
Never Let Anger Win
There is a point in this dark journey in
which we perceive that everything happening to us is everyone’s else's
fault. You are angry at the people you perceive as making you depressed.
You are angry at the people who traumatized you. You are angry at the
dead or dying who are causing you to grieve. You are angry at the people
you think should care but don’t appear to. You are angry with everyone
who should have already guessed what you're going through but haven't
come to you to help or at least say a kind word. You are angry with
everyone in the world.
I will not lie to you: this level of
anger feels good! It overpowers you and fuels your mind like nothing
else can. Its seduction is greater even than drugs or sex. It makes you
feel all-powerful like nothing else can. It is addictive and does not
let go. Just the memory of it from a decade ago makes me feel powerful.
In every good science fiction or fantasy
story, there is always a bad guy who becomes all-powerful – through hate
and anger, and that power eventually destroys him. Picture the demon in
the 'Night on Bald Mountain' segment of Disney's original FANTASIA.
Picture Anakin Skywalker becoming Darth Vader. That is a very small
glimpse of the gratification Anger gives the depressed, traumatized, and
grieving man. And it feels far too good to not let it have its
way.
Do not get into a fight in this stage of
your journey! Don’t go looking for a fight, and avoid fights that come
looking for you. Your mind is NOT in the condition it needs to be in to
determine if you’re facing a legitimate threat or not! You will
end up in jail for taking the fight too far. Your anger is so
deliciously gratifying that you will not stop until you are
stopped by an external force – a policeman’s bullet, for instance.
When you walk away from a fight that
your emotional and mental state is telling you to jump into, then you
are walking away from the darkness of the world and into God’s manhood.
From Anger to Hopelessness
Once you realize that the only truly
satisfying outlet for this ungodly level of Anger is to either hurt
someone (or a whole group of someone's) or to hurt yourself, if there is
a shred of sanity left in you then you realize that either path is not
right and you simply cannot do it. All that power and nothing you dare
do with it! This leaves you feeling more hopeless than the sane being
can understand. Hopeless for the Now and hopeless for the Future.
Suddenly, Life is no longer worth living or functioning or even trying.
This hopelessness is as devastating as
the anger was powerful. Whereas anger left you feeling as if you were
the true master of the universe, hopelessness makes you feel so impotent
that you believe you don't even control the level of hopelessness that
is overwhelming you. You go from feeling in control of everything to
having lost control of everything - your mind, your heart, and even your
bowels. It is as nightmarishly horrible as the anger was gratifying.
This hopelessness leaves the man feeling
as if he is useless. He is a thorn in the side of all who know him.
Everyone would be better off without him.
In my personal experience, this is when
the choice to suicide engulfs your mind and seduces you. Suicide is
viewed as an escape – a rescue! – from the hell of hopelessness and from
the pain and anguish of everything the sufferer is experiencing. Where
anger was power and hopelessness was impotency, suicide is a sweet,
calm, siren-song of seduction that promises to take away all pain.
Because it feels as if it is the only calm in such a violent storm,
there are those who mistake it to be the same calm that the Holy Spirit
brings, leaving the sufferer to believe that God wants them to do
it.
I am in no way trying to endorse
suicide or make it look good; I am trying to show the reader how the
sufferer is viewing it as an alternative and how far gone their thinking
process is when they get to the point that they consider it as an
escape.
Trust Those Around You Who Care About
You
How many television shows have we
watched in which the policeman who was recently wounded or whose partner
was recently killed is having a hard time handling life but is too manly
to admit it until he’s hooked on pain-killing drugs, is suicidal, and is
on the verge of loosing his job… and only then does he finally break
down in tears and beg for help? I think every program I’ve ever seen has
at least one episode with this plot. If only he’d first trusted his
wife, children, sergeant, and new partner when they all told him the
same thing: you need help!
One does not have to be a policeman as
portrayed in all those television shows for this formula to play out; it
is typical of what most men go through until they finally break down and
cry for help.
To bypass all this pain, a man needs to
be able to trust his wife, children, coworkers, and friends when they
say: “Bruce, we’re worried about you!” or “Bruce, you need help!” For me
it was a fellow Air Force man who stood a head and a half taller than me
and was as big and strong as an ox – he lowered himself down to my
desktop and said, “Bruce, I care about you. You know you need help; go
get it.” He paused. “If you don't I will drag you there.” And he
would have! So I did! I wanted to get help but I was afraid to take the
first step. But in truth all I needed was to know someone cared, and he
cared enough to make sure I went. Sometimes all a man needs to know is
that someone cares enough to say something, and then he is empowered to
do it.
Many men cling to the myth that “nothing
is wrong with me” until they get to the point that they honestly believe
the whole world is wrong and they alone of all humans on Earth are
right. Fortunately when I went through this phase a shed of logic kicked
in and helped me 'do the math' and realize that maybe, just maybe, I was
the one who was wrong.
Be a man and trust your wife, your
friends, your coworkers. And, just in case you were right and they were
wrong, you then have a new topic to brag about. Yes, it’s scary
admitting you need help and then seeking it, but it’s less scary than
the pain and agony awaiting you if you don’t. I promise you this.
“What
a Friend We Have in Jesus”
If you think you are the only man who
has been despised, misunderstood, and rejected, then read this
scripture. If you think you are the only man who sorrows and grieves,
then read this scripture and pay attention to my italicizing:
“He is despised and
rejected of men;
a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief:
and we hid as it were our faces from him;
he was despised, and we esteemed him not.
Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows:
yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.
But he was wounded for our
transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities:
the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we
are healed.”
(Isaiah 53:3-5)
Jesus Christ knows what it is to carry
sorrow and griefs, because he has borne our griefs and sorrows and is
willing to continue to do so. He has offered to take them from our
shoulders.
“Come unto me, all ye that
labour and are heavy laden,
and I will give you rest.
Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me;
for I am meek and lowly in heart:
and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”
(Matthew 11:28-30)
Notice Jesus made no exceptions as to
who can cast their burden upon Him. He doesn't even refuse one burden
over another – he will take all burdens from all of us. No one is too
depressed, traumatized, or grieving that they cannot turn to Him. His
shoulders are broad enough and strong enough for Him to take our load as
He then takes our hand and leads us home. He already knows how heavy our
load is and still He is there to shoulder it for us.
As you begin to meet with a mental
health professional, be sure to include the Savior in the process.
Report to Him in prayer and plead for His continued guidance and
assistance. He is there, and His shoulders are big enough to carry the
load while letting you also cry on them. His arms are strong enough to
hold you as you cry, and He never tells anyone what you tell him or how
you've cried. He is the ultimate confidant.
When I was a young missionary in Japan
there was once that I found a private place and cried in prayer,
pleading with Father to know that there was just one person on Earth who
loved me. In answer to my plea, I felt in the most literal sense His arm
around my shoulder as He has comforted me.
And He is waiting for you.
Natural Man Verses Man of God
All these things I’ve discussed as to
how men set themselves up for problems are the “Natural Man” within us,
not the Man the Lord is about to create.
“For the natural man is
an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be,
forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy
Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through
the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive,
meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things
which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth
submit to his father.” (Mosiah 3:19)
Oh, that ‘meek’ word just makes us
stumble, doesn’t it? As men we wince at that “Blessed are the meek”
passage in the Sermon on the Mount! It may have been the best
translation in the 1600’s, but today a far more accurate rendering used
in most modern biblical translations is ‘blessed are the gentle’.
So take heart – we don’t need to give up our Superman outfits to become
a ‘meek and mild’ Clark Kent; we just need to remember to be ‘gentle’
while in our superhero persona.
Each man has to be the man he was born
to be to fulfill his purpose in life, but within that framework there
are traits all men need to develop that keep us pointed towards the
goals the Lord has set for us. Those traits are contained in this
remarkable passage quoted above and as summarized here:
- yield to the enticings
(guidance; influence) of the Holy Spirit
- put off the natural (worldly) man and become a saint (seeker of
Christ) through Christ’s atonement
- regain the
innocence of a child by being submissive to the Lord, meek (gentle),
humble, patient, full of love (charitable), and willing to submit to all
things the Lord sends his way (face our challenges)
Jesus Christ is our example of Manliness
in all things. If He did something, then it’s the manly thing to do. The
above passage outlines exactly what He did in mortal life as He showed
us the way to return to our Father in Heaven.
Accept You as You are and Go From There
As much as I would love it, I will never
have a Chippendale body. Nor will I ever be a cowboy. Nor will I ever
sing with Josh Groban’s amazing voice. I am, however, an artsy poet
whose two great aspirations in life is to be the world’s best Primary
chorister and the world’s best Grandfather. I have accepted me as I am,
and after five decades I am almost beginning to like me.
I’m reasonably sure, however, that the
Lord has further plans for me. So I will follow His lead in faith that
He knows what He’s doing better than I. I will allow Him the privilege
of improving me as we journey through life together. He may even
surprise me with hidden talents and abilities I still don't know I have.
I also accept that I am burdened with
depression as one of my mortal challenges and must find a way to achieve
and live a happy, healthy life with this thorn firmly implanted in my
side. So, I study the subject to see what else I can do to better
myself, take my medicine, and allow the Lord to guide me.
Recognize and Correct Incorrect Thinking
One of the first things I was taught at
the mental health clinic I attended was to recognize, analyze, and
correct incorrect thinking and its inherent chain reaction.
To simplify what I was taught:
- First, an event happens.
- Second, you have a reactive thought that can be either good or bad,
depending on how your mind has been trained through the years to react
to that event.
- Third, an emotion is generated.
- Fourth, you have a
physical reaction (you take action) based on that reactive thought and
the emotion generated by it.
In this chain of events the only thing
you can not control is the event that happened. With the help of
a mental health professional you can learn to change and control
all the other steps. Your mind can be retrained to react in a more
correct way. It takes effort. It takes guidance. It takes faith. But it
can be done. Your mental health provider will help you see which
reactions are good or bad and help you reteach your mind, emotions, and
body how to react in the way they should.
But right now you need to understand
that your prolonged depression and trauma are caused by incorrect
reactions to the events that are triggering the reactions. So once
again, trust those around you when they try to help you in this regard.
Identify the Source and Control or
Eliminate It
Part of teaching your mind how to react
correctly to the events occurring around you is to also eliminate as far
as possible the activities around you that are negative. If you are in
an abusive or neglectful marriage you need to get out of it long enough
that you can make a healthy decision as to continuing in the
relationship. If you are surrounded by violence then you need to remove
yourself from it. If you are under undue stress on the job then you need
to learn to combat the stress or find a new work situation in another
office. Your mental health professional and your family will be able to
help you with these decisions. Trust them while you also allow the
Spirit to guide you.
Situations from which you cannot escape
must be dealt with and your reactions to them must be properly managed.
You cannot just quick working; you cannot abandon your family. You have
to learn to handle inescapable situations and stress. Seek the Spirit
and the council of those around you, and act in the way that is correct.
Make Changes to Your Environment
Along with eliminating the source of
your despair and distress as much as you possibly can, you must also
remove as many of the other negative influences around you as you can –
they are competing with your new-found positiveness and must not be
allowed to continue.
I have always had a passion for music;
it's one of my greatest passions in life. I can literally change my
emotions by the music I listen to; I was doing this long before
sociologists were talking about it during the Rock Era. When going
through a depressive bout there are certain of my favorite albums I
simply don't listen to, because there will be just one or two songs that
are negative, and even that may is too much.
Those things with which I surround
myself when battling depression – especially music! - must pass a test
which I established for myself:
- They must inspire me
- They must lead me to positive aspirations
- They must make me hope.
- They must leave me
smiling – inward or outward
I have discovered hymns to be the
greatest musical fulfillment of these requirements when I am depressed.
I have collected a good number of gospel albums that I play on a regular
basis because of the positiveness they bring into my life. I do not
confine myself to the few hymns in our hymnal, but I actively seek out
the beauty in hymns of all styles and sources that touch my heart and
build me up. And from this renewed love for hymns I have discovered the
joy of writing hymns myself.
Redesign or rearrange the environments
in which you live and work into as calm and peaceful situations as you
can. Unclutter your rooms and desks into calmer things to look at and
live in. This will in turn help your mind remain calmer.
One thing that was drilled into us over
and over again in the depression, anger, and stress management groups I
attended: do not stay within a work situation where you are isolated
from other workers – you must get into a situation where you are
interacting with others – left to yourself you turn your mind more and
more into yourself and your problems. Talk to you supervisor and bring a
note from your doctor if needed, but get yourself moved out of any
isolated situation.
Evaluate those you associate with and
determine if they are surrounding you with positive or negative
influences, and take action accordingly. At this stage in your life you
need to associate with those who are building you and not tearing you
down. Explain to your friends that you are not judging them; you are
simply trying to heal yourself and must take the actions you are taking
to increase the positiveness around you. A mental health professional
can help you make these decisions and take these actions. Again, trust
those around you who love you or are counciling you.
Take Your Medicine
Facing a lifetime of taking medicine is
totally repugnant to many men – that’s kin to being controlled by that
little medicine bottle instead of being the one in control. We need to
adjust our thinking to understand that by taking our medicine we
regain control – control of our mind - from those forces that would
take that control away from us. Every time you sigh and think you want
to go without your medicine, remember that you are doing it for your
wife and children. You are doing it so that you can return to being a
fit servant to assist the Lord in service in His kingdom.
My wife suggests that the manly man
should think of medicine as a tool. She's says it's a tool to fix what's
wrong inside your head. As men, we do understand the proper use of the
proper tool.
Present Yourself to the Lord on a
Regular Basis
This is one of the things that is the
hardest to do. You feel so unworthy of talking to God or even thinking
He's near you. But He is near you and He does love you. He
loves His hurting children with a fierce, loyal love that is
unexplainable in it's grandeur and completeness.
It is a time-worn phrase that you should
pray - especially when you don't feel like it. Oh, this is so true at
this time in a man's life! He already knows the things in your heart,
but He needs you to speak them to Him. You will find great solace in the
tenderness of a very compassionate Heavenly Father, even if you don't
feel it from anyone else.
Attend your Sabbath meetings no matter
how much your pain and agony is begging you to stay home. The primary
purpose of attending our Sabbath meetings is to “offer thine oblations
and thy sacraments unto the Most High” (D&C 59:12), 'oblations' being
defined as 'any thing offered or presented in worship or sacred service;
an offering; a sacrifice.' (Webster's 1829 Dictionary) Come to church
and offer God your heart – your broken heart and contrite spirit, to be
exact. You will be surprised how He can fill it and return it to you. It
is a command that we come to His house to perform this oblation, and by
doing this simple thing we bring His blessings down upon ourselves,
“...inasmuch as ye do this, the fulness of the earth is yours...” (D&C
59:16), and part of that fullness is a healthy, sound mind and spirit.
Unless you are a bishop currently
serving in that office, you are not a judge. If your bishop, who
is called to be a 'judge in Israel', has determined you worthy to
attend the temple, then trust his judgment (even if you don't agree) and
make regular temple attendance part of your routine and part of your
healing process. Not only are you giving yourself in service to others,
you are also spending time in a sacred, reverent, and calm
environment where the Spirit can more-easily penetrate the haze you are
living in and nourish your mind and heart.
The Holy Spirit as your Companion
There is a reason that one of the
greatest titles worn by the Holy Spirit is that of 'Comforter'.
The Comforter is the third member of the
quorum of the Godhead. It is He who brings to our mind and heart all the
communications from the Father. It is He who brings divine comfort and
love to us. It is through trusting and following His guidance that we
have faith enough to take cautious, fearful steps forward into the dark
that eventually lead us into the light.
I testify with every fiber of my being
that the Comforter will be there to guide you through all the pain and
suffering. How well I remember the many nights my mother played her
piano after getting all of us to bed, and one of her favorite hymns was
'Teach Me to Walk in the Light of His Love'. Thank you, Mother, for
teaching us where to look for help! Such a simple testimony through song
has constantly reminded me to trust when I had no trust left.
Service Is a Powerful Medicine
All those books that instruct you to
center your mind and your thoughts all on yourself to build your
self-esteem are mostly wrong. To dwell on 'me' is to become
self-obsessive and unforgiving of every little mistake you make as well
as the perceived mistakes others make in their association with you.
These books can quickly become a prison from which few escape.
Fight to stop dwelling on yourself! It
only intensifies the pain and the hurt. Instead, give yourself over to
others so you can forget about yourself. Be of service to others so you
can feel good about yourself and be satisfied that no matter how bad off
you are you are still of worth to those you have served and who love
you.
What did the Lord say for us to do to
‘find ourself?' He was, in fact, very specific; so specific that it's
repeated several times in the Gospels:
While in service to others the
distressed brother's mind is diverted from obsessing on himself and his
pain, and for that short time he centers himself on others. By doing so
he brings Heaven's blessings down on himself; thus he is reassured of
God's love as well as his neighbor's appreciation. Service is
powerful medicine and through it you discover who you are – a loving
servant to all mankind - and what you can become - a servant of the sort
Christ is and has commanded us to become. To be anything else is to
betray who are are while wasting the purpose of our creation.
While we were on a death watch for our
seventh child, a baby of only a few weeks, we took time from the hospice
one Sunday to attend our church meetings. Hearing that a chorister was
needed in Primary, I practically ran to Primary to announce that
I was there to lead the music. (I'd been a Primary teacher in that ward,
so they knew my love for Primary.) “Are you sure you're up to it?” the
loving, concerned sisters asked. My reply was that the Lord had blessed
us so much that how could I not help? I also explained that I also
needed the spiritual nourishment of those innocent, pure spirits singing
to me. I was immediately handed the songbook, and I spent the following
two hours singing to and being sung to by those precious little angels.
What healing occurred that day! Peace did bind up my broken
heart.
Forgive Everyone You've been Angry
Towards
By this point in your life you have a
lot of people to forgive. According to your despairing perception,
pretty much everyone on Earth has offended you, misunderstood you,
laughed at you, criticized you, condemned you, run away from you,
abandoned you, and otherwise hurt your feelings.
In your mind say to the Lord: “I forgive
everyone for being human and not knowing what they were doing, because I
now understand that they really didn't know what they were doing. And in
return, Father, please forgive me for judging them so wrongly.” Then,
take out a pair of large mental scissors and cut the strings that bind
all that resentfulness and hurt to you and cast it to the winds so that
you can never run after it and gather it back up. Throw it all away and
turn in friendship to them and rejoice together in the beauty of your
new-found life.
A very wise Sunday School teacher used
to teach that when we forgive we are freer than at any other time on our
life. We are free from every force that has tried to control us and hurt
us. And that includes depression.
The Power of Love
George Lucas and J. K. Rowling got it
right when they did not write about Good verses Evil. Instead,
they presented us with incredible tales of Hate (anger) verses Love. The
Star Wars saga as well as the Harry Potter tales are all about this
surprisingly simple concept.
Star Wars is the saga of the ultimate
dysfunctional family and the difference Love can make in attempting to
heal it. Luke Skywalker knew there was good left in his father. To find
that remaining love, an innocent, untrained farm boy toppled an
intergalactic empire
built on Hate to save an unsaveable father. The Emperor himself, in all
the strength and power of his Hate and Anger, failed to turn Luke to the
Dark in his quest to redeem his father. Such is the Power of Love.
Likewise in the Harry Potter series,
Professor Dumbledore never gave up on those who wandered and were
enveloped by the power of Hate, knowing that Love is the greatest power
in the universe. Through the power of Love a neglected, abused orphan
named Harry Potter faced the most evil wizard in a century and won.
No wonder so many of today's readers
have been held spellbound by these two incredible storytellers! What
timely messages for today’s confused and hate-filled world!
The power of Hate/Anger leads a man to
either control or destroy everything around him, while the power of Love
leads him to build up all that is around him. Love eliminates the
selfish quest for strength and power and turns the man to the path of
service, charity, and sacrifice. Instead of sacrificing others to his
dark, hellish emotions, the man turns to sacrificing himself for the
benefit of others. Instead of seeking authority he seeks to acknowledge
He who holds all authority and to do His will. Instead of taking life,
the man seeks to offer his life.
For me, the power of Anger has a far
more powerful physical feeling than Love, but the feeling of Love
is accompanied by a calm and peace that Anger will never contain.
I no longer need the power that comes with Anger, as all true
power belongs to God. I do, however, need the calm and peace that comes
with Love, and all such calm, peace, and Love also belongs to God, and
He has told us what to do to bask in it with Him. That is what I
need.
Such is the awesome power of Love. When
this has finally been obtained then the man knows he has finally put off
the natural man and has become a saint through the atonement of Jesus
Christ (ref. Mosiah 3:19) This is the moment that Life begins anew for
the depressed, troubled, and grieving man. He may not be all the way to
the end of the journey (few of us ever are), but he knows where he’s
going and how to get there and how to stay on the path. Let us continue
to extend our love, fellowship, and hand to help him continue on the
path.
When will It End? When will I know I’m
Cured?
Midway through my group sessions for
depression management, I asked the councilor running the class how I
would know when I was no longer depressed. Would a light come on and an
angel chorus sing? Would I suddenly just feel good? How was I to know?
He told me that so far he'd not seen any
angel choirs. But he said that one day I would simply realize how long
it had been since I had been sad. I would be surprised to find myself
happy for no reason. I would realize I hadn’t cried for a least a week.
I would realize: “Gosh, how long has it been since… (fill in the
symptom)?”
While many who go through these things
will reach a point that they are cured, I do not believe that a person
such as myself, diagnosed with chronic depression, will ever complete my
journey until death takes me home to Heavenly Father and I am rewarded
with a brain whose chemical systems have a far better warranty than the
one I’m currently using.
My hat is off to those who complete
their journey here in mortality, and my only request is that you don’t
forget the rest of us.
Finally, a Real Man Beings to Emerge
Midway through therapy for my first
suicidal depression, I was assigned to return to work and send an e-mail
to all my co-workers, explaining what I was being treated for and asking
if they’d seen any progress in me. I did not think I had made any
progress, and a wise doctor needed me to understand that I had. So, with
great fear, I sent the e-mail.
I will never forget one reply. It was
from one of the ranking men in the office – tall, handsome, muscular in
all the right places, and hair and a smile that wouldn’t die. He even
had dimples. He had been in a combat unit that was highly decorated, and
he even rode a Harley-Davidson motorcycle. What else could a man want to
be than a drop-dead gorgeous combat soldier with a big, manly
motorcycle, spewing testosterone wherever he went? Standing next to him,
I would never have dreamed of calling myself a ‘man’. His reply to my
e-mail astounded me:
“Dear Sergeant Forbes:
“I have known for some
time what you are being treated for. I want you to know I have greater
respect for you than for anyone I have ever known. I have fought in
two wars and survived, but you are facing demons I can’t even imagine,
and without a gun to protect yourself. I would never have the courage
to do what you are doing. You are more of a man than I will ever be,
and I am proud to have known you.”
So my dear brothers, I want you to know
that seeking treatment and making the journey from the Dark to the Light
is a very manly thing to do. To reiterate my view of what a Real Man is,
he is someone who seeks what is best for himself, his wife, and his
children; not what is convenient or easy. He seeks his wife’s council
and the guidance of the Holy Spirit. And, he follows his priesthood
leaders in righteousness. Seeking help for depression, grief, and trauma
fulfills all of this while making yourself a fitter vessel for the Lord
to use in His service. And that is the man the Lord wants you to
become.
May God bless you on your journey, and
if we should meet somewhere along the way then know that there will be
yet one more hand to help you along.